SHUVOO NEWSLETTER

Issue No. 34 – March 29, 2007

 

“Lechem Oni” © - A Dry Brush Photo Adaptation by Ashirah Yosefah

 

LECHEM ONI – PART II

Bread of Affliction, Bread of Experience

 

By Ashirah Yosefah

 

 

Preface:  In last week’s newsletter (No. 33), I shared the beginning of a realization I had while reading The Breslov Haggadah in preparation for Pesach.  In particular, I had begun to reflect on a comment by Reb Nosson in Siach Sarfei Kodesh Breslov, #710 that Yaakov, in escaping from Esau, was divested of everything he owned.  “Esau” is symbolic of Christianity in the understanding of the Rabbis, relative to today’s world.  In becoming a Jew, I, too, had fled Esau, sharing an experience of the Patriarch Yaakov, not only materially, put spiritually.  At the close of last week’s newsletter, I stated a number of the erroneous assumptions I had coming into Judaism.  I will pick up the story from there ….

 

 

Orthodox conversion in Jerusalem was a grueling experience in its own right, but I now understand that it was only the warm-up exercise.  The real workout began once I left the waters of the mikveh and was actually a Jew.  Every day as a Jew is a learning experience.  There is no such thing as “a finished Jew.”  By times it is very disconcerting to be over 50 years of age, feeling like you know so little, having to start all over from the beginning.  It is overwhelming when one thinks of the volumes our Sages have written as they, too, wrestled with what it means to be a Jew in the world.  Their writings guide us through the pages of Torah and help us apply it to our daily lives, yet there are days when you simply don’t know where to begin, the mountain of learning before you is so high.

 

A rabbi on the RCA faculty overseeing my conversion immediately identified my need to let go of my previous knowledge base regarding God, Torah, Tanach and Judaism in general.  For months, as hard as I tried, as good a student as I was, I simply could not gain an inch of favor with this man.  He was as unmovable as the Rock of Gibraltar.  What was I doing wrong?  Finally, one winter day in Ma’aleh Levonah, sitting at a Shabbat table, I realized.  I had to let go, give it up, hand it over, empty it out.  The knowledge I had accumulated over the years on my own was not the proper base from which to begin this new life I was embarking.  Many of the sources of that knowledge, the teachers of that knowledge and the interpretation of it were not kosher and were not Orthodox.  The chain of unbroken tradition that unites Jews and Judaism was not in place.  Expunging all that knowledge and learning that I had so voraciously accumulated over the years (with pride) was gut-wrenching, and not an easy process.  Over the months and with considerable conscious effort, I was able to let it go as fresh knowledge, kosher ideas and attitudes, slowly took its place.  Did I discover that some of the “old” was actually acceptable?  Some, but not much.

 

On my second day in Israel during my “exploratory visit” in early 2003, a friend took me to visit a somewhat radical Cohen/musician/NYC talk show host.  I confidently launched into my packaged explanation of the exile and return of the Lost Tribes of Israel only to have my stellar presentation put soundly in perspective.  “You selfish, arrogant goy!” rang the words in my ears.  My friend’s eyes widened in shock, but I somehow knew inside that I needed to let the man speak.  I motioned to my friend not to interrupt and received my first “dressing-down” as a want-to-be-Jew.  Time and again over the past four years, the events in my life continue to reveal more and more the insidious nature of pride and ego, how deceptive they are, how easily they trick us into thinking we are acting in humility.  “Humility,” as defined by the world, is not the humility of Moshe, of Torah.

 

A short time ago, I had opportunity to read a small booklet I had written during that 2-month exploratory visit to Israel.  I shudder to think of it.  Each one of the newsletters I had written reeked of presumptuousness, spiritual arrogance and such a “know-it-all” attitude when really I knew so little.  I asked the same friend last week, “How could you stand me?”  He just smiled.

 

Having once been so impassioned about the return of the Tribes of Israel and so self-confident of my aptitude on the topic, I have now stepped by a foot or two.  I realize that there is a great deal in the writings of the Sages of Israel that the followers of the various Lost Tribes movements simply do not know, do not have access to or chose to disregard. 

 

Are the descendents of the Lost Tribes of Israel in the world today?  The Prophets of Tanach tell us that these very people will return at the time of the Redemption.  Hashem’s true Prophets did not lie.  Yes, out there in the world, much assimilated, are the fractured soul remnants of the Israelites of the Northern Kingdom, as well as all of the Jews of the Diaspora and Jews who do not even know or care that they are Jews, but there is no way to prove tribal identity with the Ten Lost Tribes until Moshiach reveals it with the help of Eliyahu haNavi.  All these souls will be re-gathered at an appointed time.  Others may return in advance of the Redemption, but they will do so by joining Judah through sincere Orthodox conversion, not by demands to be accredited an identity that only Moshiach can verify.  Expectations of being allowed to live in Israel as a “separate kingdom” in the Shomron, the ancestral lands of Ephraim, don’t make the grade either.  The establishment of such a society within a society would be nothing short of a re-establishment of the Divided Kingdom.  The Prophet Yehezqel clearly stated that when Hashem does reunite Judah and Israel/Ephraim, they will never again be two nations, two kingdoms (Yehezqel 37:22).  The bottom line?  There is simply a great deal of knowledge and wisdom that is not presently known except by a very few, and what is known is in “puzzle pieces” fragments,  because it is not time for it to be revealed.  The Vilna Gaon and the Ramchal wrote emphatically that all matters relating to the return of the exiles of Israel, particularly the “Lost Tribes”, would be highly concealed by God right up until the time of the End.

 

I have learned that not only is it a good thing to admit “I don’t know;” it is a wise thing to do so.

 

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov taught that to know God is to realize that we can never really know Him.  Only from this vantage point can we begin to understand the magnitude of the Infinity of Hashem.  Paradoxically, within this unfathomable expanse of “Being,” Hashem created man to be unique in all His Creation and to be capable of being in an intelligent “relationship” with the Creator Himself. 

 

Over the past two years of being Jewish, I have been brought face to face with the realization of how little I know over and over again.  My entire understanding of the nature of the Creator has been completely transformed.  My understanding of this world and its place within the universe has been transformed.  My understanding of myself is under constant revision and, b’ezrat Hashem, this process of transformation will never end.  In The Breslov Haggadah, a powerful point is made:  “Our talents, our attainments are also nothing but Divine Manifestation.”[1]

 

Over the past couple of months, I have wrestled often with what it means to be a Jew and who it is that Hashem would have me be, and do, as a Jew.  I am beginning to understand that this wrestling will accompany me the rest of my life.  Once again, The Breslov Haggadah brought a recent realization into stunning clarity:

 

“For every man, in every generation, is a microcosm.  Of Space.  Of Time.  Of Life.  Jewishness is not something which took place only in some distant, even recent past.  It is not something which takes place only in some pristine corner of the world.  Nor is it the franchise of those of us who have an unbroken tradition.  In fact, true Jewishness is not to be found in the laurels of those of us whose ‘Jewishness’ begins and ends with an unspoken flaunting of that tradition.  Neither can it be found in the stale Jewishness of yesterday.  No matter how enthused we were then – today, yesterday is gone, and we must start again.  Creation is a Process.  So is Jewishness.”[2]

 

On Seder night, we eat Matzah.  Rebbe Nachma taught that Matzah symbolizes great awareness of God.  Matzah is referred to as “Lechem Oni,” the “Bread of Affliction.”  On Seder night, three pieces of Matzah are set on the table with the Seder plate.  The middle piece of Matzah will broken in two.  Remember, Matzah symbolizes awareness of God.  How often is our “awareness” of Hashem, our “yearning” for Him, heightened by the difficult times in our lives?  In times of distress or confusion, we can become very “aware” of Hashem, as well as His perceived nearness, or distance, even though there is no place He is not.  In breaking the Matzah, we break the bread of awareness in two.  This is very symbolic:

 

“Mankind is not yet ready for this overwhelming experience of God.  Preparation is required.  We must bring the deepest fibers of our souls into harmony and be willing to accept this imminent Truth.

 

First, we must put aside all notions of ‘knowing’ God.  We must realize that to know God is to realize that we can never really know Him.

 

We must therefore break the Matzah; separate this great awareness into fathomable sections.  The larger portion is set aside for the “end.”  In the End of Days, Man will rise again to his destined level of Awareness.  Until then, we can utilize only the smaller part, the Lechem Oni, which is symbolic of the lack of that great knowledge.

 

Upon this Lechem Oni, upon this knowledge of our Unawareness, we recite the Haggadah.  These are our prayers and words of faith that ultimately God will redeem us from the Darkness of Unawareness. (Likutey Halakhot, Giluach 3:13-14)”[3]

 

In closing, and once again from The Breslov Haggadah:

 

“Man is incapable of a sudden confrontation with his Creator.  The overwhelming experience of such awareness is just too awesome.  Truth, the stark Truth, must be camouflaged.  Only then, can the soul gradually absorb it.

 

God, so to speak, camouflaged himself in stories.  These are the stories of Creation and of Adam and Eve.  The stories of the Flood and of the Patriarchs.  The stories of Jewish exile and redemption.  God is hidden in all the stories of human history.  And, in the as yet untold stories of each and every human being.  His trials.  His tribulations.  And his salvation.

 

At the Pesach Seder we tell stories – Magid.  We recount the stories of the Exile in, and the Redemption from Egypt.  These represent the collective stories of mankind.  They typify the individual stories of each and every one of us.  As we relate the details of these stories, we must relate to them.  Be aroused by them.  See the Hand of God in the stories of our own lives.”[4]

 

 

Ashirah Yosefah

Ad Matai / Shuvoo

Rehov Cremieux 6A/1

Jerusalem 93108

 

Israel Registration #580545870

www.shuvoo.com

 

FOOTNOTES: 

1.  The Breslov Haggadah, with commentary based on the teachings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, compiled and adapted by Rabbi Yehoshua Starret. Breslov Research Institute.  Page 28.

2.  Ibid., pg. 17-18

3.  Ibid., pg. 34

4.  Ibid., pg. 37

                       

 

 

It is the desire of Shuvoo to awaken within all people the importance of mankind turning to the Torah at this time in history.  For Jews, there is a specific responsibility to Torah, but also for Gentiles.  The nations of the world are accountable to the Universal Laws of Torah.  In recent years, many 100’s of thousands of God-fearing and Torah-loving Gentiles have been struggling with their spiritual identities and seeking to find answers in the midst of much religious confusion.  These groups have created, been given, and co-opted various names of identification.  Shuvoo wishes to simply speak to the God-fearers of the nations, and to speak especially to our own people, the Jewish nation, of our unique responsibility in sharing the Light of Torah at a time when confusion and darkness increase with each passing day.

 

 

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